Unveiling the Mysteries of Death: How End-of-Life Experiences Differ Between Adults and Children

Death is an unavoidable reality of life, yet it remains one of the greatest mysteries humans face. While many of us wonder what happens in our final moments, the truth is only revealed when we approach the end. Palliative care physicians, who spend their careers supporting patients in their last days, offer rare and invaluable insights into the dying experience. Their observations highlight striking differences in how adults and children perceive death, shaped by emotional maturity, life experiences, and imaginative capacity. Adults often reflect on their memories and relationships, seeking closure, while children, unburdened by fear or trauma, may envision comforting and imaginative scenarios. These insights illuminate the deeply personal and varied journey of life’s final transition.Dr. Christopher Kerr, a hospice physician and author of Death Is But a Dream: Finding Hope and Meaning at Life’s End, has spent decades providing end-of-life care. In interviews, including the Next Level Soul podcast, Dr. Kerr explains that the experiences of dying are deeply personal yet follow discernible patterns. He notes that what patients see, dream, and imagine as they approach death forms an integral part of the human journey—helping them reflect, reconcile, and find peace.Dr. Kerr conducted an extensive study involving 1,500 palliative care patients, observing how the dying process manifests differently between adults and children. His findings shed light on how memories, relationships, and imagination shape the final moments of life.For adults nearing the end of life, death often involves revisiting significant moments from their past. Dr. Kerr describes this as a blend of dreams, daydreams, and imagined conversations with loved ones. These experiences serve multiple purposes:Dr. Kerr recalls a poignant example of a former teenage soldier involved in the Normandy landings. The man had suffered lifelong PTSD, haunted by wartime experiences he never processed. At the end of his life, he experienced extreme distress and sleeplessness due to recurring traumatic memories.After finally sleeping peacefully, he dreamed of the happiest day of his life—his discharge from military service—where a friendly soldier appeared, reassuring him. This dream brought visible relief, allowing him to pass away peacefully shortly afterward.Many dying adults report visions of deceased loved ones or re-experiencing meaningful connections. These visions provide comfort, reinforcing the emotional bonds of life and offering a sense of closure. By mentally revisiting past relationships, adults often find a sense of completion, peace, and acceptance as they approach the end of life.Children, by contrast, approach death differently from adults. With fewer life experiences and limited understanding of mortality, their perceptions are often guided by imagination rather than memory. Dr. Kerr observes several key distinctions:Dr. Kerr recalls a young girl who, nearing death, envisioned a castle complete with animals, a swimming pool, a piano, and sunlight streaming through a window. When asked what the castle represented, she said simply: “A safe place.” Such visions illustrate children’s unique ability to access creativity and imagination, shaping their dying experience in comforting and protective ways.Life review vs imagination: Adults reflect on past experiences; children invent protective, comforting worlds.Fear and anxiety: Adults may face unresolved fears; children are less burdened by existential dread.Connection to others: Adults often encounter loved ones or seek forgiveness; children focus on love and security from imagined or familiar figures.